DAY I - SAT 23RD - THE ADVENTURE BEGINS

Crew assemble at Gatwick for the 0940 virgin VS033 flight to Antigua. All are present at the right time, but Adam’s bag had to be gift-wrapped, as camouflage material is not permitted - where was that in any instructions?
We are given 52 and 53 ABC, but once on board, the boys moved, and were given a glass of champers for their trouble!

Friendly crew, 8hr flight - 747 ‘hot lips’ 2001, so a new and clean aircraft. Good in-flight service, amenities etc. we arrive antigua at about 1800 which is 1300 out there, and are met by a small band playing, and lots of queues. The sun is out and very warm - lovely. We collect our bags and face our first taste of silly systems. Paperwork to be stamped, out one door, over to check-in for next flight, in another door, long queues, more paperwork, and a 4hr wait for our next sector. We watch the planes fly in and out and refresh ourselves. At last we board our Liat Airways Dash 8 ,prop-job, trundle down the runway and up we go, over the sea, past other islands, and 50mins later, touch down in Tortola - another queue, more paperwork, and questions - I thought we were in the British Virgin Islands, so why all the fuss?
This process takes nearly an hour, and then we discover, like other passengers, that our bags are missing. We join yet another queue to fill in lost baggage forms - all done by hand, as the computer is not available. We discover this is a common occurrence with Liat (luggage in another time-zone)- and some say we shall be lucky to ever see our bags again - great.
Our Sunsail driver takes us, empty-handed, to the Sunsail port at Wickham Cay, and we go to our boat an Oceanis 423 called Lazy Daze.


We have a provision box to un-pack , and Capt plus younger crew, go off to eat. 2nd mate, and aunty, have a snack on board. It isn’t long before we are all together, undressing, and generally crashing-out in cabins and above. It is very warm ,down below (if you get my meaning), but we have fans available - connected to electrics.

DAY 2 - SUN 24TH - ARE WE SAILING YET?

A good sleep - we wake 0530 and gradually get our act together. Adam slept on deck in various positions. Harti in saloon, Rich sprawled in cabin, Lil in ‘state’ cabin, and Debs and Aunty in another. Each cabin has its own ‘heads’ so diarrhoea should not be a problem.

We are surrounded by boats of all types - and lots of Americans. Their influence is everywhere - toilets/showers, supermarket, and restaurant.- and free snorkelling equipment. We go for the buffet breakfast and fill our boots, before returning to meet Hans who gives us our boat briefing, and then Capt H and Lil go for a sailing briefing. Aunty uses this opportunity to sort out the frig, and check out the two shops nearby. We also try to find out about missing bags - so difficult with the laid-back, couldn’t care less attitude from the staff - and they tell fibs. Were told bags would be here that morning - they weren’t.

So, we decide to do a day-sail instead, and get the feel of our craft. Debs - ’winch -wench’ is i/c dinghy and has to perform a manoeuvre with it, before we leave port. We sail to Peter Island - still in our travel clothes (some of us), and Adam - ’beau-son II’ - sports his colourful Calvin Klein underpants, in shades of pink, white and yellow. An anchor manoeuvre is performed by Richard - ‘ beau-son I‘- successful, and we eat a picnic lunch with swimming to follow, and a live display from a local pelican, dive-bombing into the sea to catch his fish. Aunty’s cocktail of the day is ROMGB - rum,orange juice,mango juice, and ginger beer - deeee -licious.

We return to base at 5. The boys rush off to look for the bags - thumbs up, they have arrived - all except Aunty’s!! However, clothes-share is soon actioned by Lil and Debs. Washing of bodies etc. follows, although the boys use facilities offered by another company, The Moorings, as ‘there was no vomit on the floor’ ! We dine at the marina restaurant - very good food. - the fish fingers are nothing like the findus/birdseye jobs. We are all very tired, and soon retire - zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

DAY 3 - MON 25TH - GETTING THE HANG OF IT

Lots of sleeping - Lil and Aunty wake early as usual, and Aunty decides to drop-in, literally, through Lil’s hatch, to pay a visit. Crew slowly come-to, and we have a cuppa, followed by cereal etc., and large amounts of bacon butties. Aunty has another go at bag-tracking, and the usually unhelpful woman actually becomes helpful, (with the intervention of Richard., saying bag is on its way, but don’t know when. Capt demands bag is put on a taxi - then, mysteriously, it arrives at the dock, completely wrecked. - the bottom had fallen out. A new bag is purchased , and we set sail at 1030. Grey skies, but no rain, and it is lovely and warm.

A few hours later, we reach Cooper Island, and boys do a good job on retrieving a mooring buoy (the u.s. pronounce this as boowee - say no more). This is a good spot, quiet, not too many boats, and local hostelry on shore. Capt makes a salad lunch and then conks out for a few hours, attached to electrical devices. Richard dons scuba equipment, plops into the water, and a squeal is heard as he comes face-to-face with a sea monster - he is soon back on deck. We can sea this beast from the boat - oo -er. Adam takes Debs out in the dinghy and they find huge yellow and orange starfish further along the bay. These are native to this part of the world, and instead of blood, they use seawater to pump their systems. Debs also gets to grips with handling the dinghy and is soon buzzing around in it.

The sun is out - hot, hot, hot., and the children head for shore to sunbathe. Aunty and Lil swim through the ‘shark-infested’ waters to shore, and explore .-Palm trees galore, huge cacti growing out of bare rock, and a visit to the hostelry to book a table for dinner. This done, they swim back to the boat and a nice cup of tea. Ablutions complete we dinghy to the shore for dinner. A Philippino waitress is there to serve us , and a fairly good meal follows. We are soon back on board and thinking of bedtime - we seem to be getting earlier and earlier! Adam is already ensconced, in his CK pyjamas and we sit round him, as Capt has rigged up a deck-light, and secured a flapping mast rope, which might have kept us awake.

Aunty plays musical beds, and transfers to share the state room with Lil - promotion or what? , and soon we are drifting off to sleep, gently bobbing in the calm waters - a good night’s sleep in store, or so we thought………………………………......................

DAY 4 - TUES 26TH - ROCKING AND A ROLLING

0300 - Aunty to Lil ‘are you awake?’ ‘yes, have been for ages’ ‘why is this thing rolling around so much, and why don’t they put beds on gimbles?’ So they while away the time, looking out of the now-open hatch (previously battened down by our considerate Capt., due to heavy rain shower), at the thousands of stars, which Aunty likens to a computer screen-saver. Storms surround us - skies displaying flashes of lightning, loud rustles of wind to be heard, and the plop, plop, plop of the seawater round our lower parts. The sound of toilets being pumped, enhances the moment, so we are not the only ones awake - obviously some of us have not found our sea legs yet..

Dawn gradually arrives, and Debs and Lil witness a large cruise ship going by. This is an early-start day, according to our Capt, so the plan is to leave a.s.a.p. The ‘children’ do not like the idea of the on-board loo rules which mean little or no paper, please. This should be neatly gift-wrapped, and saved for dumping purposes, if you’ll pardon the expression! Adam had been caught short early on, in more ways than one. Heading for shore in the dinghy, the propeller got caught in a mooring rope. Rolling up his designer Pjs to his knees, to investigate, he lowers himself down, and is horrified to discover the water comes up to his chest. All this is witnessed by Richard, who does a remarkable job of containing his laughter. More ‘toilet’ trips are made, breakfast eaten - Aunty pleased to be re-united with her porridge - and we set off at 0815 - good buoy technique employed. Sails are up, and not flapping, grey skies, no sign of a tsunami, and good winds to get us over to The Baths, on Virgin Gorda - a ‘must-see’ according to Capt. H.

We pass Ginger Island, a row of rocks called Broken Jerusalem and reach our destination, which is very busy.We do a car-park procedure, and take over a buoy which has just been vacated - how lucky are we? The ’children’, always desperate to get ashore, dinghy off there, and it’s Richard’s turn to have an incident, misjudging his exit, and toppling over, thus soaking his team Beau Son I polo shirt. The two-way radio is in use, and Richard decides to make use of the word ’over’. We receive questions such as ’what uk port does the Calais ferry sail to - over?’ ---- ’Dover, over’, and so on . Later on we join them, using the dry bag to store valuables. The dinghy has to slowly navigate through crowds of swimmers and smokeless - the u.s. on vacation, and moor up the dinghy a little way out from shore. We head off up the hill to a bar, and have a drink called Flu Buster, and some snacks. The views are good up here, and we are surrounded by trees and shrubs in so many bright and vivid colours - lovely.


After this , we join several hundred others, on a trek between huge rocks and boulders, to Devil’s Bay. These form the ‘baths’ as we find lots of little bays, and nooks and crannies, all naturally formed, but feels like Disneyland - no sign of Johnny Depp.

We eventually pop out to find another small and busy beach and we swim. The water is really clear and fish visible from the surface - photoshoot is carried out, and we all have a swim. Richard has another narrow escape with a sea monster, which turns out to be a flip-flop, so he goes rock-climbing, and as a finale, performs an unsuccessful mount of a big’un. We re-trace our steps and someone has to retrieve the dinghy. Adam and Capt both offer to do this, but Capt comes unstuck when he discovers he cannot walk on water! - so waits on a rock, to be collected. We are eventually back on Lazy Daze, we de-buoy, and set off for our next destination - Leverick Bay, in North Sound.


We pass Necker Island, owned by Sir Richard Branson, arrive at Lecker, and radio contact made, to secure us berth 13 on a pontoon. We are met by the owner, who kindly helps us to tie-up, and kindly takes the money owed! Mooring buoys work out at about $25 but berths like this, rocket the amount to nearly $70. This is another popular place, shower and loo facilities limited - only two of each, plus another lone shower, at the end of the pier - sited in a red telephone box.

We are moored alongside a big Cat, with some big Fat, Americans. Next-door-but-one is a boat with an African Grey parrot in his cage. We soon make contact with him, and discover he does excellent impersonations, of ring-tones and alarms - all we need is Long John Silver. We have a nice cup of tea, and a look-round the place, booking a table at the local restaurant. Debs is heavily into one of her trio of Harry Potter books , and has been christened The Reader. After our customary gin and tonic, we join the queue for showering etc. The children have gone on ahead to the bar, Jumbies, and we join them for cocktails later. We dine upstairs - good menu, and note that many of our fellow sailors do eat quite early, as some of the menu items are now ‘off’.

The table next door has an unusual trio. One big black man - bejewelled in all his ‘bling’ and a couple. She is very loud, very blonde, and very drunk - I think she could safely be referred to as ‘trailer trash’. Her husband, is overweight, overloud, and unfortunately, over here. Trailer trash does her best to wind up her husband and alleges b.b.m. (who we reckon is their skipper), has been trying to kiss her.Arguments ensue, trailer trash leaves, and husband then asks ‘you been messing with my wife? Did you try to kiss her?’

Our cue to leave…………..back to the bar! The local band is on stage, and playing lots of reggae music - which takes some of us back to our past, and some of us, do a bit of dancing………


younger family members, and Capt not impressed. Bed time is about 10 - will this be a quiet night? We think not, as sharing our bay, are 3 catamarans with 30 young Americans out for a good time - these will be referred to from now on as the sex boats, especially as some of them are carrying inflatables

Naturally, these folk are not quiet, and their whoops and cries can be heard from the bar, followed by loud dinghy trips at about 0200 as they wove their way back home. The noise does not go down well with other boaters and across the bay could be heard ‘if you guys don’t shut the f--- up, I’m gonna come across and beat the cr-- out of you ‘ - nice. We learn a lot about the upper-deck goings-on through our spy, Adam.

DAY 5 - WED 27TH - FLASH, BANG, WALLOP - WHAT A PICTURE

The storm broke at about 0345 - lightning like a fluorescent bulb being switched on - and the heavens opened - our again, very considerate Capt battened down our hatches, and Adam removed himself to lower decks. The storm continued for a good few hours - all our washing on the deck rails was in a constant rinse cycle. N.b. pegs are a must for this type of holiday - more about this, later, and Richard is always most concerned as to their whereabouts.

Crew rise and a large pan of bacon and eggs, cooked by Lil are devoured, by the inevitable trips to the facilities. We depart 1015, Capt H has set the gps, and our heading is Marina Cay. Quite a long sail, with the wind behind us, and we’ve all had a turn at steering, and doing the ropes, with all the lee-hoing and ready abouting to be announced and executed. The weather has cleared up, and we are sailing in bright clear sunshine - watchout for sunburn, shipmates. We sail up St Francis Drake’s passage (no comment) and past Seal Dogs, Dog Islands, Scrub Island, before reaching our destination. This is so pretty - a few pink buildings,

...with thatched sunshades right on the beach. The sea is bright turquoise and we are in a quiet bay alongside a reef. The other side of this is quite a different matter and is called ‘Suicide Alley’- so we wont be swimming there.



The landing party - Capt, and the children, take the dinghy ashore, and head for the bar/restaurant, for a drink and explore - a crab is found. All back to the boat for lunch - quiches had been purchased prior to our departure from Leverick Bay, and were very popular with the crew. Added to this was a big bowl of rice and veg, to help stave off scurby. Afterwards, all crew , minus Lil and Aunty, go back to the beach, with the intention of a. listening to the European cup final, and b. re-charging electricals and probably c. another chapter of Harry Potter. More radio antics today - ‘what is the pipe underneath a sink called, over?’ ---------’u-bend over’ - ha ha ha.

Lil and Aunty do get to the beach eventually, and potter about in the sea. More beautiful fish, conch shells, still with their inhabitants, crabs, sea-urchins - all just doing their own thing. The Reader goes snorkelling - not for long, as she comes across a huge ray fish, and bearing in mind the sad demise of Steve Irwin, decides that that is enough for today.

Capt. H, takes Lil, Aunty and Debs on a walk up the hill to a derelict bungalow, once owned by Rob and Rodie White, who bought the island for 60$ in 1937. The film ’Two on an Island’ , starring Sidney Poitier, is based on all of this. They stayed a few years, then he was called up in the war. She left, to have an appendix op., and they never got it back together again, and eventually drifted apart. This is such an idyllic spot , lovely views from all sides, but now un-used. Further along the track, however, are hotel rooms or rather, cabins, which are in full use.

We are now back on board , minus Richard. Showers on shore take 8x25cent coins to work for 3 mins, so we give it a miss, and use the on-board ones instead, followed by our regular g/t fix. Debs emerges with a very very short dress on , and is advised not to bend over, even though she has matching knickers. Adam tells her to watch out for her Alan’s - (Alan Whickers - knickers), so she decides to pop on a pair of trousers instead. Talking of which, we are seeing quite a colourful array of Adam’s Alans and he advises us of his top ten favourites. Tonight we are being given a demo of Bjorn Borgs (no side-opening though) in a vivid yellow and pink. Richard radios that he is getting a bit chilly, and we provide him with a shirt on our return to shore. We dine at a table, right on the water’s edge - comfortably warm and service is good. More electricals are on charge, and we are served up with huge lobsters, fantastic. - it all goes very quiet at the table, as we savour the delights of such a crustacean., all washed down with a couple of bottles of rose.

Appetites sated, everything re-charged, it is 10pm - bedtime. We retire to our various areas and perform our bedtime routines. Lil and Aunty insert wads of toilet paper in all the doors of their cabin, to prevent rattles in the night - very decorative, and we note Richard is sleeping with his new Pussers Rum tin mug.

We are all looking forward to a peaceful, un-interrupted, night’s sleep.

DAY 6 - THURS 28TH - WHAT THE DUCK WAS THAT? OR, WOKEN AT THE QUACK OF DAWN

Lil and Aunty, sleeping like babies, are woken at 0238 precisely by a loud whirring sound and the quacking of ducks. Noise is relentless - is it an alarm? What can this mean? where is it coming from? The other cabins are investigated - no noise there. We hone it down to a bag in our cabin, which contains Adam’s iphone - this is the culprit. We resist the urge to throw it overboard and manage, eventually, to turn the wretched thing off. Getting back to sleep isn’t easy - Aunty manages to find the world service on her mini radio and learns a tsunami warning has been issued for the British Honduras - very re-assuring.
Dawn breaks - we wakes - 0600 - kettle on at 0700, and Adam is interrogated. Of course, HIS night has been peaceful and undisturbed.

The children head for shore - loos are beckoning, and the rest of us eat breakfast down below. Capt H has ordered double rations all round, as we have to get through the enormous food pack provided by Sunsail. We have an early departure as we need to reach Jost Van Dyke in time for a good berth. Before this, we hear a very loud thud/splash from the stbd side. Has Lil jumped ship? - it appears not, but this remains a mystery.

The start is hampered by a lack of wind - always a problem sailing between islands. Lil is at the helm today, and we eventually get a good 4.8 speed to help us along. Our pegging technique has changed today. Observing the German u-boat moored alongside yesterday, we noted their novel way of pegging out clothes, and a very efficient use of ze pegs. Richard, always interested in this subject has now named this task as ’Deutsche-peggen’.
Forgot to say that Marina Cay is opposite Trellis bay, which is alongside the airport. Every time a Liat craft flies overhead, Aunty can be heard yelling b-------! and giving them a digital salute.

The wind situation means engines on and off a lot, and frig light on and off too. We pass Guana island, Green Cay, Sandy Cay, on to Grand Harbour, at Jost Van Dyke, which is the home of Foxys - another ’must see’ on the list. No buoys here, but our boys do a good job in anchoring. We have a good spot and gradually the place gets busier and fuller with other boats. We see the sex boats arrive, and notice yet another sex flotilla quite close by. It is said that this place is one of the best for New Year’s Eve, and you get to the shore by walking from boat-to-boat.

After lunch, the plan is to walk round to White Bay for swimming etc. The local cop advises against this, as it will take over 30 mins., and it is too hot in the middle of the day. We bundle into the trusty dinghy, and motor round the coast. White Bay is gorgeous - lots of white, smooth sand, and clear waters. The boat is beached, and we clamber out, and head for a sunbed. The local bar is called Ivan’s Stress-free Bar. Ivan is there, quoting from the Bible non-stop - he is quite a celebrity apparently, as many photos adorn the walls of his shell-covered establishment.

Debs goes snorkelling again, and at last finds her elusive turtle. Overcome with emotion she comes to tell us as much. Her quest conquered, she flops onto her sunbed and returns to Harry. She saw a parrot fish as well, but this did not make her emotional. Snoozing and relaxing , followed by a drink from the bar, which doesn’t serve hot drinks, even though they say they do, is enjoyed by entire crew. This is particularly enjoyed by the men-folk , as they pour their own measures of spirit- happy days.

5pm back on board Lazy Daze, and people -watching. The sex boat nearby has been visited by two testosterone-fuelled American youths, who are also drunk, and shouting obscenities for everyone to hear. Trouble isn’t too far off, an argument ensues, and one guy decks another, on-deck, so to speak. A bit of girlie intervention follows and a sort of peace descends. As for us, it is time to make-ready and get to shore. We have a little walk along the sandy prom, and notice local police station, and other eateries - not much custom there, as it is all directed at Foxys.

We get a table and look at our surroundings. Tee-shirts, bras, other items of signed clothing, hang down from the ceilings, and photographs, business cards, notes, etc. are stapled to every available surface. There is a guitarist strumming his stuff, and we soon discover the place is jammed full.

The food is delicious - the crab chowder is enough for a small meal. We eat catch of the day, King fish, served with rice (again!), the boys devour spare ribs, and then we are all full to the gunnels. The dinghy is boarded, and we are in bed by 10 - so many late nights!, and we go to sleep with the sounds of Foxys in full swing and the anchor chain rubbing………………Various noises thereafter, but nothing untoward.

DAY 7 - FRI 29TH - THE FINAL SAIL

0600 Aunty awake. Lil zzzzzzzing, ipod attached, but apparently hasn’t a clue what she was listening to. Adam arrives, above hatch to photograph the ‘sleeping beauty’, who wakens and tells him to disappear.
Preps are rapidly made for departure, gps set at 155, and anchors aweigh at 0815. We weave our way through the other boats and out to sea. Lots of tacking required, and Adam is sporting another fashion item - Calvin Klein swimmers in black and white. The speedos with Australia written on the back only came out once, and we notice they were modelled face -down on the deck. These items are fondly known as budgie smugglers in Oz.
He later shouts that there is a brown buoy in the way - this turns out to be another turtle - so we’ve all seen one now and Debs contains her emotion.

We do a long sail, and forego a stop at Norman Island, which is where people take their clothes off, apparently. Aunty resists the urge to jump ship, and instead dresses as a pirate to add a bit of interest to the journey. She has also been giving the crew a daily quiz to keep their brains in training. We reach Brandy Wine Bay later than expected. The place is deserted, which is a good job as no-one to witness the boathook falling in and a not very good buoy -grabbing technique. This rectified, by Debs and dinghy action, lunch is prepared.

We are still trying to eat up the rations, and then it gets a bit silly, as a sausage, very imaginatively shaped like a man’s parts, is passed round, and posed with at various angles, eventually ending up in the Calvin Kleins - say no more.

Capt H, Richard and Adam go ashore to explore and to check out the Brandy Wine Restaurant. It is very hot today, and they are soon back with us. This is not a good place to overnight, as it is alongside the road, which is hilly and noisy.

After an hour, we decide to head home for our base, and get cleaned-up and packed for our very early start in the morning. We are guided back to our pontoon, and after a few tricky turns, we dock the boat at the Sunsail base, Road Harbour. Much activity on shore, as this is change-over time, and boats are being checked, repaired, cleaned, and re-stocked ready for their new occupants. The Hartis go for a swim, Aunty guards the bags, and it starts to rain a bit. The showers/loos are welcomed, and copious cleaning of bodies is performed. Hans checks that all is ok., forms are signed, one photo-shoot with our crew shirts on, and a final meal at the marina - Caribbean buffet - very good, but cannot do it justice really.
Alarms are set - 0400 - good night shipmates

DAY 8 - SAT 30TH - THE HOME RUN

The alarms work and up we get. Taxi arrives 0515 and we arrive Tortola airport 35mins later, and join a queue. Our flight is on time, and we board the Dash 8 plane, noting Richard Branson’s private jet, parked nearby. We stop off at St Martin, en-route, a good place for shopping, apparently, and land eventually, in Antigua at 0830 - more forms to fill-in. Out with our bags 6/6 - hooray, and a long wait to check-in, staying in the airport café, where we eat breakfast. Luckily, the f.a. cup final is on, so everyone is absorbed with this, and after the match we check-in , and are given 56 a-f, which means g is empty - no it wasn’t, so Aunty had the pleasure of sitting next to a very big man, whose various body parts invaded her ‘space’ from time to time.
Once through immigration and security, we have another few hours wait before boarding the plane, which is on time. The flight is choc-full and another friendly crew are on board. Another 747 - ‘English Rose’. Flight time 7.23 hours and we reach lgw on time, and are soon off the aircraft, and out to baggage carousels.
Once through Customs, we find Kerry waiting for Richard - also taking Adam, and Mick the driver, for the rest of us. Hellos and Goodbyes are made all too hurriedly, and we realise the holiday has come to an end. We’ve had a wonderful time , and a great adventure - roger, over and out.xxxxxxx